I often get asked what “turns me on”. And I often respond with slight hesitation and then always a lie. Well technically not. More like an omission or safety answer. I mean it never bothers me to be asked, I just think that would be very unpleasant for them, the enquirer.
I remember years ago while on set talking with a big porn star (name, not her size) about how she was worried about where her dirty fantasies were heading and what turns her on now compared to just a few years ago. By no means was it a jab at the industry. It just is a very different world when you make it a career to fuck and/or be fucked. And not only that but genuinely enjoy yourself doing it while carrying no shame. That’s how I felt and still feel about porn. I can’t speak for anyone else but I feel that not every single little lady feels super duper about her pornography.
When I was 13 I started masturbating and all it took was thinking about Ricky Martin in that Livin la Vida Loca music video, old righty and a prompt 12 minutes. Then through the rest of that oh so wonderful time in life called the teenage years I tweaked the fantasy here and there but pretty much always very vanilla situations. It also didn’t help that I just plain didn’t know ANYTHING about sex. I am the product of a sexual education brought to me by movies (not the porno kind) and peers, having the sex. My mom didn’t think I needed to be present for that class where they actually inform students about something so many were already partaking in or soon would. You know, HEALTH.
Whatever. I don’t blame my mom for any way in which she raised me. And if you think about it, a daughter not fornicating until the ripe age of 20 is much better than while living under their roof and being a complete strange-o as a teen. They are a complex bunch…well I’m sure they think so.
So after losing (more like ditching at that point!) my virginty I was finally able to join the rest of this sexually active population. Waiting until 20 isn’t some innocent young lady action of mine. FUCK NO. I was obsessed with sex my whole life. Just me and my excellent imagination constantly wondering about so many things and surviving on friends sex experience tales that I lived for! When your lover is your hand and hasn’t EVER been anything else (no toys, nothing), that, well, just can make you go insane. Not in a bad way, in the way Spring Break down in Cancun does to the mind of the average female college attendee. Now I never did the Spring break thang…but MTV did a pretty good job of showing me the mindset of the vacation. Oh. And when the stories came back along with all those STDs! Yikes!
Anyway, I just wanted to share a deep concern I have been having for a few years. What’s going to turn me on in like 5 years, 2 more years and I’m in my thirties and according to science, in my SEXUAL PRIME as a woman. What??? If thirty is when sex gets on the level, I’m worried, EXCITED,CARTWHEEL DOING EXCITED, but ya know, just concerned.