An open letter to my cunt:

Dear Betty,
My dearest vagina, its been a fortnight since our last frolic….
just joking, but seriously we need to have a talk. It’s about your appearance the past couple months. Now I don’t know if you have chosen the look you are sporting now with maybe some kind of merkin or pussy fur coat but trust me, girl, you are not rocking it. I’m sorry but if I can’t tell you then who the hell else can?!

If this is a cry for help and not a bad fashion choice then that is something you need to work on. Don’t worry, I will be here all the way to help you and support you as you get back to being, well, being you. You remember, bald and beautiful and soft like satin.
I know I can’t ultimately make this choice to get clean (as in clean-shaven,get it? yuk yuk yuk) for you but I had to say something and let you know that I am very much aware of the “bush-look” and I don’t like it.

Take some time to take all this in (ha, like you haven’t heard those words before! Whaaaa!!!). But do not take too long as you turn more into a stranger every day and I can’t take your toxic presence any longer. If you choose not to get help and keep the bush I will have to cut you off. Well, not literally, my god! But I will have to turn my back on you and let you work this out all on your own, which sounds pretty impossible as you are an organ of my body and sort of vital, dude.

With only and always love and support,
Courtney Page
P.S. Black Betty agrees with all this but was too shy to talk.